Well, I asked to appreciate my life more....

... and life never happens like you think! This may seem a strange comment from a tarot reader but I will explain!

Yesterday a friend of mine asked me to go out with her for a big night out - I haven't done that for a while and I thought 'Yeah, why not? Might make me appreciate my life..." and OMG it was one of the worst nights of my life sadly! You know what though - I DO ENJOY MY LIFE! and I love all the people who are in it, I love what we do, I also love me for every reason you can imagine.

Ok, maybe I should start at the start - which is always a good place to begin. Ken dropped me off at my friends house and we prettied ourselves with different outfits, make up and build out confidence and shortly we were minxing down the street - my friend exclaiming 'Oh I think they just slowed down to check us out!' at every car that drove past. On arriving at the main local shops something did not feel right in the air and instead of sticking around we decided to get on the nightrider bus that was sitting at the curbside with all lit up and welcoming. Not long after we got on the bus the driver was contacted on his radio and given warnings of riots in the area! Thirty seconds later all hell broke loose and around thirty men and women were brawling on the road - blood flying everywhere. I think my brain overloaded at what it saw and it went into snapshot mode - I remember seeing a man with at least six men on him being bashed severely - there was another man getting his head smashed into the road by another - there was a blonde haired woman screaming in a blood-curdling style. I fumbled for my mobile phone and struggled to get my lower jaw to start moving to talk to the police on the other end. Panic! I had trouble describing where I was and mentioned the suburb and the words convenience store blurted out. I gave my name and heard the sirens coming. Cars were speeding in to come and pick up some of the broken bodies on the road and others just ran - in all different directions. The police jumped out of their cars and I yelled at the nightride bus driver to please just go!

So we chugged along in this bus, the lights on us like we were lab rats in a cage, amazed at what we had just witnessed and I turned to my friend and said 'Oh it can only get better from here".... how wrong I was to assume this!

The nightride was long and slow and bumpy - so different to the nightrider! We finally did arrive at our destinations and I had been able to try and boost my mood and my friends slightly but it seemed like the bad mood crept in with every step my friend took.... by the time we got there and walked up the 10,000 steps to the entrance we were both exhausted. My eye little eyes lit up seeing all the flashing lights - I had never seen a big gaming room before and the sheer exhilerating noise invigorated the good mood in me again. My friend remained flat though and we thought that a drink or two might lift the energy - off the the bar we went.

We poked some dollars into the pokey machines and pressed a few buttons to get some noise for our payment - unfortunately my friend lost her dollars and I gained some.... and then the machines paused to calibrate because of the daylight saving time change. It was this stoppage that turned her mood from being a plain old bad mood into something different. She kept complaining that she couldn't hear me and that I wasn't answering her questions fast enough and that people were walking too close to her and they were in her way. A man coughed as he passed and she yelled out 'filthy Jap' and everyone turned to check what the commotion was about.

We went to have something to eat at the restaurant they have there - wedges and sourcream for me and the same for my friend but with spring rolls too. She complained about the price - apparently it was too high, even though it matched the menu price of what she ordered. She began telling me that there was a man who was watching her eat every mouthful and how disgusting it was because he was with his girlfriend and 'HOW would you like that if it was Ken and he was leering at every girl he could.... how damn rude' - this talk went on all dinner and she kept asking me to turn and look at him every time she put food in her mouth to see if he was looking... he didn't seem to be paying us any unusual attention... I asked her repetitively if she wanted to go home and telling her that he behaviour was out of character and she told me that she was fine and sober actually. I was really confused by the way she was acting, had never seen her that way.

Then we went and sat down at the pokies again and she was unhappy with the monitor of her machine flickering and she complained bitterly until I told her to move machines, which she did. As soon as she had fed the machine though she smelt a bad smell and she kept asking me very loudly if I thought it was the man sitting two machines down from her - he looked at as a few times but said nothing. When she made me stop what I was doing and really focus on if there was a smell I could smell something that was vaguely like burnt toast. I told her to take her money out of the machine and that we were going home!

But on the way past the 'Pink Panther' machines caught my eye and I told her I was stopping to feed some dollars in and I won $50! I was happy with that and we went and found a taxi to take us to the nearest train station where we could wait for the nightride bus. I kept thinking 'Oh this trip home has to be better than the one here. Once again my wishes did not come true!

We had to stand up nearly all the way back... it took about an hour and a half to get back too. My friend had a guy standing behind her and kept asking me 'what IS he doing?' to which I replied 'He is just holding on' over and over and over again until she stopped asking. She was telling me that he was rubbing himself on her - she actually said 'well he has his hard penis on my back!' - there was a gap between them of at least 30cms so ... once again I was perplexed. Finally we both got a seat and it became glaringly obvious that there was a young couple making fun of me - I couldn't quite get what they were saying but every time I nearly looked in their direction they laughed hysterically. They reminded me of my brother when we were growing up - I really don't like judgemental people. I did my best to look out the window and ignore them but I could still hear them saying things like '...and she has no idea that we are saying stuff about her...' - idiots!

Lucky when the nightride finally finished it was a short taxi trip home. I loved being home. I went into the mirror and looked at myself and my make up didn't look bad or anything, my hair was still in good order, as were my clothes, and I thought to myself 'I don't know what the people on the bus' problem was, there is nothing wrong with me, no actually all is right with me, I am a beautiful person, I look great, I have a wonderful partner, amazing children and we have a great house. I love me and my life'.

Shame I couldn't have come to that conclusion at home!

So much progress, so little time!

Phew, my life has been a whirlwind, where do I start? I have been doing a lot of thinking about blogging, which I now realise has nothing to do with actual blogging - just like worry does not actually do anything! I decided to use this small epiphany to push myself to do lots of things that I have been putting off. Shh don't tell anyone but I am a procrastinator - I have been putting off admitting this for some time now....!

So my favourite line at the moment is 'think it and do it' along with 'live it and love it'. So today I was out at my washing line before 9am saying repetitively these two lines and I found almost instantaneously my washing on the line (doing it) while I hummed away to myself (loving it). I also allowed myself to pause and watch a dragonfly, listen to a pair of laughing kookaburras and watch a small spider catch its small prey. Life is good once again.

Two nights ago I decided that I was going to eat fish and enjoy it. The last three times I ate fish I was violently ill for days. My mum also has this 'fish allergy' and like me, at age 25 it seemed to just start happening. I decided to tell myself that it was not an allergy after all but a mindset and I can change mindsets, right? So I bought king prawns and fillets of ling and crossed my fingers. I came up with delicious recipes and came up with Garlic King Prawns, oven baked Ling and baby spinach, ham and feta salad. Healthy, delicious and creative. Peeling and shelling the prawns - which I have never done myself and only seen on TV - was extremely challenging and gross. I wont go into detail but there was a lot of eyes shut and dry reaching - I am such a woos! But I did it and I marinated and cooked the fish and mixed the salad together and the prawns were cooked in for minutes just like the fish monger (I am not just dreaming and that is what they are called, yes?) had promised me. I was so proud that I took a picture!

Now the eating of the meal was difficult for me because I have very bad memories of 'after the fish' and for many hours later my stomach was doing no good flip flops. When I went to bed I had to rid my mind of thoughts of having to jump up to the bathroom in the middle of the night! But I awoke the next morning and I was not ill! So now I can eat fish once or twice a week as part of my new healthy eating plan. - yay!

My house has been the house of sickness (and not in the positive sense of the word) my poor children have not been their smiley little selves at all! They have all been cross, tired and sore. Which is hard for a mum to deal with on many levels. Pretty much all of their orifices have been spewing forth ungoodness at me! I have been in hospital with my eldest and it looks like he will have to have his tonsils out and we are off to the $160 specialist on tuesday. He has spent more time away from school in the last three weeks than he has spent at school. Charlotte has his tonsillitis and has been high temperatured and high tempered! Jayden has been requesting things such as '....can you just please cut my stomach out...' and '....can I hit my head on the floor and make my head blow up because it just wants to explode' so I am thinking he has had stomach cramps and a headache. He is not very good at explaining his pain because he tells me that everything is always just stinging. Here's hoping that my littlest being sick last night is the end of it all. I got home from work and she sat on my lap and vomited all over me and I had to even change my underwear - ewww - she owes me big time when I am an old woman!! - haha At least she is looking much better today and back to her cheeky lil self!

I have been exercising big time every second day this week and amazing myself that I CAN exercise! My poor little feet are not liking the 45 min hard fast walks though which is a shame because they are so good in many other ways. I even bought a heart rate monitor and a pedometer. On wednesday night I went walking with my friend from Bass and Flinders point to shelley beach and back - 6509 steps apparently which is not a bad effort if I may say so myself. We stopped in the middle for a swing and it was nice to feel weightless for a while, swinging under the full yellow moonlight. I have been training (ooo I like using that word because it makes it seem like I am a real exerciser!) late at night which really suits me. On monday night we went walking through my local backstreets down to the water of Port Hacking River and back again. The darkness envelopes me and nurtures me along my journey. The darkness ensures that no one can see my wobbly bit wobble and see my poor red puffing face - these are very important things! The darkness is where I feel comfortable. Today however, my poor lil feet do not want to carry me another 45 mins somewhere so I will have to use one of my funny exercise videos at home. Think it will be 'Jamacan -me -s -wet' which I promise you is not a porno! There are alot of questionable hip thrusting movements but, they are for weight loss I am telling you.

Things have changed at work, I am not good with change I have realised. Hrmm that is not exactly true... I am good at some change where I can see the reason behind it ... I am not good with unfair change. In a (big) nutshell they took my day off me at work and gave it to someone else. They cut my hours in half and gave me sloppy seconds. I have been working at the same place for over fifteen years now, on and off. I thought I was at a safe place at work, everything was going so well. Out of the blue I got a phone call from the boss telling me how much of an asset I was to the company and how much they appreciate my gifts and time. I thought, oh-oh, here we go. I said outright before she said anything more "You are giving my day away to someone else aren't you" she started stammering about making it more fair and how I have more time than the others - yes this is true but I always have, thursdays have always been my day, 11-9pm. I used to be able to have a nice relaxing lunch and dinner and some me time AND do some work and be paid. The boss promised me it was all to be fair and because the other lady who I was sharing my day with already - which just doesn't happen, normally everyone gets their own whole day - who was/is a personal friend of mine was going through a hard patch and really needed a hand. Selfishly my little head was saying "but hold on, what about me!" I just felt/feel really betrayed. So now I start at 3pm and work through until 8:30pm and the other lady has MY day. Just as I had said, and this is not fair and I am not happy. I am only getting a few appointments, it feels different at work now and on a personal level, I don't have a day just for me anymore. But, life goes on, I must get over this, I must not be embittered from what has gone on. Now just to figure out how to do all this = still motivate myself to work because we need money AND be happy about it! You see, my job is not the normal nine to five job, I am a professional Tarot Reader and I need to be 100% happy to work to my best ability. My happiness level is under my control though, and this I must remember, so now, just to be happy with the situation and hours that I have.... still figuring this one out. Maybe this is the push to tell me that I need to find work else where. Maybe.

My three little girls are all dancing together in the lounge room - so very cute! It is these precious moments that I like to enjoy and file away for later dates because in a few moments it will be back to hair pulling and general 'sisterly love'! They already have their own dance styles, I am thinking that I will have to get Charlotte into some sort of dance classes soon because she has a natural ability to feel the music and groove.

Loving Sisters Pull Hair

Loving Sisters Smile!

...and they just grow up too fast!

I CAN do this....

... has been my inner thought today. I had to attend a childs party today at a massive warehouse sized play centre, with my four little children, alone, with a group of people I don't really know. Going to a place I haven't been to, and make conversation with other adults (so not used to this these days!). I complained all morning while getting us all ready, mostly internally but there were some displays of my dread in the form of me being snappy. I was also over-tired and that is my excuse and I am sticking to it!

The party was borderline ok for me. The kids had fun and that's the main thing and they were relatively well behaved. Even the other children invited played well and everyone seemed to have a good time. The mothers on the other hand.....so judgemental. I arrived late (as per usual but I am working on this!) and there was five minutes of playtime and then the children all went upstairs to eat in the party room. I went to follow my kids upstairs and the grandmother of the child whose party it was told me 'No hun, thats just for the kids to go, the parents stay downstairs and have nibblies'. I felt a bit strange leaving my kids because I am never usually far from them but I did like the idea of having a little time out and nattering away with the other adults. When I did come back to the table, there were two mums who I haven't met before and they were chattering away about this mother who had four children and was just sitting down stairs and leaving it to everyone to look after her kids. They went on to say some other things that were very nasty about myself and two of my children and then turned to me and said ''Oh we are just talking about that young mother with the four children, leaving them to be looked after by everyone else, how irresponsible'', before I knew it my mouth was speaking without me, I smiled so sweetly and said ''Oh yes, that would be me that you are talking about''. They didn't know what to do with themselves, and I introduced myself and told them it was nice to meet them - ha!

I checked on my kids and they were very well behaved but scoffing down the food like they have never eaten before as per usual! The two other catty mums were right behind me when my eldest girl, 4, said to me ''May I leave the table mum, I have to use the bathroom'' and I thought to myself, see, I am a good mum, my children have manners without me prompting them! I know it was such a little thing but I love that your children can heal your wounds, just with simple words they can make you feel better. I must say I didn't hear anything else too catty after that which was good, because I was so not in the mood! *must be positive, I CAN do this*


I wore some of my creations today with pride. A simple pair of 10mm white shell pearl earrings dangling from dainty sterling chains. With a pendant (above) called 'Grevillea' made from gemmies and swarovski bicones on artistic wire. They made me feel good and reminded me that I need to create more wired pendants. I must make some for myself and those I know before I make some to sell, but there will soon be some in my store http://www.getfunked.etsy.com/ .

My husband (to be) is a wealth of knowledge and he teaches me many things everyday that I am amazed with but it is a shame that I seem to forget it all! They are usually totally random things. Like today in the car the word 'sabotage' came to me (it was a word that I was looking for in my mind yesterday but could not find it!), finally out of the blue, there it is! So I mentioned this to him and he said, 'oh do you know where the word sabotage comes from?' he went on to tell me the tale of it originating from sabot (old style of fighting which means 'old shoe') now referred to more phonetically as 'savate' where back in France there were some studiers of the style of fighting that wanted to strike at work so threw their old shoes into machinery and therefore deliberately and maliciously destroying the property of another! I did find this interesting, but not sure it will stay in my sieve of a brain!

A few blocks down the road we were waiting at lights where there is a pub on the corner called 'Kings Head', I was staring at the title absently smiling to myself 'what a silly name' I thought... as if he had heard my thoughts he piped up with 'Oh you know why they called pubs strange names like 'the kings head' and 'the harp' and 'three wise monkeys' etc?', ''No?' I answered knowing that I was about to go on a journey of knowledge. Apparently back in old times before people could read they used to have pictures up instead of words because most people could not read. I mean what is the use of having a lovely sign containing words if no one could read? So they used to have a big picture of a kings head on the front of that tavern, which still seems weird. But I guess that kind of explains the reason for having such a far out name, I mean if they had some such common thing as say a bunch of bananas you would spend alot of time explaining to those around you that you were going to the place called bananas... not just going bananas which is something different all together.

I wonder if anyone else has someone in their lives that knows so many things. I believe it is a sign of intelligence but my husband (to be) just thinks it means he has a good memory and therefore he is knowledgeable. To me he is much more than that. Many people find him too much because he knows so much it makes them feel stupid they tell me.... but the way I see it is that they are not confident about themselves and it is them bringing out this unsureness. It is their inner demon telling them that they are dumb. I am sure that they aren't but maybe they are not so sure. I am like a sponge soaking up all the information I can get from those around me in life, its just a shame that I can't seem to keep it in the brain! Memory can be trained and worked on can't it? Hrmm or maybe it is the gift of recall I don't have, maybe it is all still in there waiting for me to retrieve it. I am amazed that we only use such a small part of our brains, I wonder what the rest of our brain does that we don't use....so many thoughts, such little time!

The above flowers were taken with my new camera on my nephews birthday party in August just past. I had to get down on the ground and photo these gorgeous flowers. Since I got my new camera, the nature around me has come alive, especially flowers, I see them everywhere. Their colour was so perfect and beautiful. I just love purple, I always have since I was a toddler my mother tells me. I took my camera inside to proudly show off my find and my sil took one look of them and said ''Oh yes, the weeds out the front, I have been meaning to pull those up I just haven't had the time!'' It amazes me how differently people see the same world around us. Today I have been amazed at how different we all are and this has brought me back to thinking about unique me. Speaking of that, I must go and tackle my internalised list, kitchen to clean, lounge room to tidy and reward these duties with jewellery making. Sounds like fun to me *focuses on the making of jewellery part, thinks of beads she will use!*

My Life is Good!

It has been a beautiful day in my life. The overall picture of my day may not sound that wonderful but the snapshot of memories that I have filed away in my mind show that it has all been worth it. The many 'I love you's', smiles, (small) accomplishments, sweat and even tears (of laighter) add up to much more than the sleepless night, boring duties and everyday dulldrums. The happiness created outweighs any negativity by far. These are the days that count in your life. When life pushes you to your very limit and then you find out there is so much more of you than you could have even ever imagined. Your limits are like created fences and don't they say it's always greener on the otherside? So why should we not live on the edge? Why give up when life seems hard? To me this is only the universe asking me to step over my inner boundaries and forge ahead with renewed vigor.

My life is hard right now but for good reason. I have four young children, a household to run and a loving husband (to be) to spend quality time with. Oh yes, and I have me too - seem to forget that sometimes, too often really, and I shall have to remedy this.

I am starting this blog to keep me in line! Also to 'show off' some of my new creations - who to? Actually to myself. I need to see what I am doing with my life, I need to see a truthful picture of myself. Many other people have been telling me lately that I am a fantastically unique person (I think this is a good thing!) but I think I must see it to believe it myself. I also want to have this blog to boost my inner energy - so I can remind myself that it is never ending and one must always push themselves to the end, hrmm which is death... how morbid of me to say so! But it is true. This also reminds me to not waste time, a single moment, to live every moment like it is my last, because maybe it is and hopefully it isn't!

I have always been creative, I can't help it, I just am. I always thought this meant I would be an artist and I might just be (of the bull variety I am at least!). I have started selling some of my beaded creations online (wearable art I like to call it.... yes, jewellery) so I can share some of this creativeness about, all over the world if possible. I want to sell it to show myself worth too, because I am worth it and my time is worth it. Sharing and money, why not!

Above are a pair of earrings that I made not so long ago. I really love these but they are not for my ears and are waiting for their owner in my etsy store: http://www.getfunked.etsy.com/ as is their matching necklace. I hope to make some more sets shortly. There are so many pretties here in my house to use and I will not use any more excuses to procrastinate! It is time to find some time. In my busy life there has to be five minutes here and there that I can use to my advantage. I will make creating with beads my new 'treat'. Sounds like a plan that I can enjoy.

I have also decided to make myself lists once more. I like lists, they force me to be ordered in some ways. The only rule I must make with lists is to always be positive and to not have a strict time table either! My husband (to be) does not like my list making so I have stopped making lists, for six years I have not made lists (on purpose). The reason he doesn't like my list making is because it shows him my negative self-drive. So I stopped making my lists and therefore stopped showing my negativity regarding them and showed it in so many more ways! So instead of stopping writing lists I will just stop being negative about them - sounds so easy! And it will be easy if I say it will. Because I AM positive, already... now just to start living like I am! So, there will be lists and I will be proud of them and I will let them show me my accomplishments for the day and to keep me on schedule and also show me that I am a messy person, and that thats ok! I will make abstract lists that don't have to run in any particular order ... I wonder if in fact they will still be lists?

Tonight I shall make some gemmie and sterling pieces. I am aiming for one necklace and one pair of earrings, I don't think that is too much to ask. I do only have one more hour of today though, so I should hurry and create.