Friday, September 19, 2008

So much progress, so little time!

Phew, my life has been a whirlwind, where do I start? I have been doing a lot of thinking about blogging, which I now realise has nothing to do with actual blogging - just like worry does not actually do anything! I decided to use this small epiphany to push myself to do lots of things that I have been putting off. Shh don't tell anyone but I am a procrastinator - I have been putting off admitting this for some time now....!

So my favourite line at the moment is 'think it and do it' along with 'live it and love it'. So today I was out at my washing line before 9am saying repetitively these two lines and I found almost instantaneously my washing on the line (doing it) while I hummed away to myself (loving it). I also allowed myself to pause and watch a dragonfly, listen to a pair of laughing kookaburras and watch a small spider catch its small prey. Life is good once again.

Two nights ago I decided that I was going to eat fish and enjoy it. The last three times I ate fish I was violently ill for days. My mum also has this 'fish allergy' and like me, at age 25 it seemed to just start happening. I decided to tell myself that it was not an allergy after all but a mindset and I can change mindsets, right? So I bought king prawns and fillets of ling and crossed my fingers. I came up with delicious recipes and came up with Garlic King Prawns, oven baked Ling and baby spinach, ham and feta salad. Healthy, delicious and creative. Peeling and shelling the prawns - which I have never done myself and only seen on TV - was extremely challenging and gross. I wont go into detail but there was a lot of eyes shut and dry reaching - I am such a woos! But I did it and I marinated and cooked the fish and mixed the salad together and the prawns were cooked in for minutes just like the fish monger (I am not just dreaming and that is what they are called, yes?) had promised me. I was so proud that I took a picture!

Now the eating of the meal was difficult for me because I have very bad memories of 'after the fish' and for many hours later my stomach was doing no good flip flops. When I went to bed I had to rid my mind of thoughts of having to jump up to the bathroom in the middle of the night! But I awoke the next morning and I was not ill! So now I can eat fish once or twice a week as part of my new healthy eating plan. - yay!

My house has been the house of sickness (and not in the positive sense of the word) my poor children have not been their smiley little selves at all! They have all been cross, tired and sore. Which is hard for a mum to deal with on many levels. Pretty much all of their orifices have been spewing forth ungoodness at me! I have been in hospital with my eldest and it looks like he will have to have his tonsils out and we are off to the $160 specialist on tuesday. He has spent more time away from school in the last three weeks than he has spent at school. Charlotte has his tonsillitis and has been high temperatured and high tempered! Jayden has been requesting things such as '....can you just please cut my stomach out...' and '....can I hit my head on the floor and make my head blow up because it just wants to explode' so I am thinking he has had stomach cramps and a headache. He is not very good at explaining his pain because he tells me that everything is always just stinging. Here's hoping that my littlest being sick last night is the end of it all. I got home from work and she sat on my lap and vomited all over me and I had to even change my underwear - ewww - she owes me big time when I am an old woman!! - haha At least she is looking much better today and back to her cheeky lil self!

I have been exercising big time every second day this week and amazing myself that I CAN exercise! My poor little feet are not liking the 45 min hard fast walks though which is a shame because they are so good in many other ways. I even bought a heart rate monitor and a pedometer. On wednesday night I went walking with my friend from Bass and Flinders point to shelley beach and back - 6509 steps apparently which is not a bad effort if I may say so myself. We stopped in the middle for a swing and it was nice to feel weightless for a while, swinging under the full yellow moonlight. I have been training (ooo I like using that word because it makes it seem like I am a real exerciser!) late at night which really suits me. On monday night we went walking through my local backstreets down to the water of Port Hacking River and back again. The darkness envelopes me and nurtures me along my journey. The darkness ensures that no one can see my wobbly bit wobble and see my poor red puffing face - these are very important things! The darkness is where I feel comfortable. Today however, my poor lil feet do not want to carry me another 45 mins somewhere so I will have to use one of my funny exercise videos at home. Think it will be 'Jamacan -me -s -wet' which I promise you is not a porno! There are alot of questionable hip thrusting movements but, they are for weight loss I am telling you.

Things have changed at work, I am not good with change I have realised. Hrmm that is not exactly true... I am good at some change where I can see the reason behind it ... I am not good with unfair change. In a (big) nutshell they took my day off me at work and gave it to someone else. They cut my hours in half and gave me sloppy seconds. I have been working at the same place for over fifteen years now, on and off. I thought I was at a safe place at work, everything was going so well. Out of the blue I got a phone call from the boss telling me how much of an asset I was to the company and how much they appreciate my gifts and time. I thought, oh-oh, here we go. I said outright before she said anything more "You are giving my day away to someone else aren't you" she started stammering about making it more fair and how I have more time than the others - yes this is true but I always have, thursdays have always been my day, 11-9pm. I used to be able to have a nice relaxing lunch and dinner and some me time AND do some work and be paid. The boss promised me it was all to be fair and because the other lady who I was sharing my day with already - which just doesn't happen, normally everyone gets their own whole day - who was/is a personal friend of mine was going through a hard patch and really needed a hand. Selfishly my little head was saying "but hold on, what about me!" I just felt/feel really betrayed. So now I start at 3pm and work through until 8:30pm and the other lady has MY day. Just as I had said, and this is not fair and I am not happy. I am only getting a few appointments, it feels different at work now and on a personal level, I don't have a day just for me anymore. But, life goes on, I must get over this, I must not be embittered from what has gone on. Now just to figure out how to do all this = still motivate myself to work because we need money AND be happy about it! You see, my job is not the normal nine to five job, I am a professional Tarot Reader and I need to be 100% happy to work to my best ability. My happiness level is under my control though, and this I must remember, so now, just to be happy with the situation and hours that I have.... still figuring this one out. Maybe this is the push to tell me that I need to find work else where. Maybe.

My three little girls are all dancing together in the lounge room - so very cute! It is these precious moments that I like to enjoy and file away for later dates because in a few moments it will be back to hair pulling and general 'sisterly love'! They already have their own dance styles, I am thinking that I will have to get Charlotte into some sort of dance classes soon because she has a natural ability to feel the music and groove.

Loving Sisters Pull Hair

Loving Sisters Smile!

...and they just grow up too fast!


shells said...

You've had quite a busy few days! Your girls are beautiful, but they do look like a handful! I've been working in childcare for over ten years, so I do know what a challenge it can be running around after sick and grump kids. Stay well and take care!

Pfeiffer Photos said...

The food looks so I must go find some lunch!

Jess said...

Yo! Just letting you know im here blogging away trying to get back into my linguistic groove :)